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but I'm back!



My trip to New York was a series of unexpected events and emotions. I learn so much about myself each time I go, but things I end up learning are things I wish I would have never found out. Things such as bad habits of mine or the true sides of relatives I've never seen. The past is a dangerous thing to tap into, but it's the most powerful and easy way to find out who that person really is. Basically I found something out about my grandfather that I wish I would have never found out. His past is full of lies and it's hard to actually rely on him to tell you about anything that has to do with his past. I try to analyze him by looking at what I knew about him, but that has changed now that I know why he is the kind of person he is. All I have to say is thank God that he was not born rich and obtained any power, because he would have definitely been famous for some kind of mass killing around the world.
So, this was my third time going to NY and wanting to see a certain someone there. This time we got to spend time with each other which ended up being something I wish I could have not done. I've noticed that one very bad habit of mine is to like a guy right until he likes me back, and then just stop-I'm just basically in it for the chase. If I do like a guy after he likes me, I come up with reasons why I should not like him and point things out that I don't like about him. I think many girls are guilty of doing the same thing, but it still does not justify my reasons for it. For this particular guy that likes me way more than I like him back, I still talk to him and I'm not completely honest with my feelings toward him. He is too serious about relationships, and I'm one that does not look into long term relationships. But for some reason this guy makes me want to get into a relationship with him.

I spent the most wonderful night on the beach with my ex last weekend. I think we probably will get back together, but not such a serious relationship as last time.

This is going to be such a busy week...
Current Mood:
Finally at ease...
Current Music:
Jack Johnson
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[User Picture]
On February 13th, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC), jenn114 commented:
Wait, what? I thought you were back in NY for good? Well, I hope you at least had a good time, even though you found out some things that you didn't want to know. It's hard finding out that people you love have done some nasty things. But they're still family and if you care about each other, then what's in the past is done.

I'm the other way around with that guy thing. When I find a guy who likes me that I don't like, I get all jittery and try to find reasons for me to like him and basically force myself to because I feel like I need to or something. Emotions and thoughts are really tricky.

If getting back with your ex would make you happy, I hope it happens for you. :)

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